I put it in your tefilin bag.

Singles Party Erupts – And Not In Laughter

WARNING: THIS ENTRY IS ABOUT YOUNG AMERICANS BEHAVING BADLY. IT IS NOT MEANT FOR MORE SENSITIVE READERS. TO BE SPECIFIC, IN THIS ENTRY, PEOPLE VOMIT ON VOMIT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.


“I’m throwing a party and you are not invited,” says Mr. S, a recent college grad and one time Ramah student of mine. “Its a singles party,” he explains without much remorse. Well, that’s fair enough, but I do wonder how well the party will go. Many single members of my yeshiva will be going; some of whom are recently out of university, and a few are younger than that. Mine is not a party school, but it was about damn time for students to get a chance to indulge.

Today, I learned that the event was a rocking good time. One student did not show up for class at all, and Mr. S. looks like he has a brutal workout with Dr. Matsaki Hatsumi, the last living ninja master. I don’t bother Mr. S. when he dozes off during the Rosh Hashanah shiur (even though it is being presented be the Rosh Yeshiva himself). When he gets too close to actual snoring, however, I wake him and hand him a note. “Up all night playing Super Mario again?” No, he replies, just wait until I explain. He manages to stay conscious until the shiur ends, and then explains.

“The party was awesome,” he says, “until towards the end.” In the last part of the evening, he explained, the last few guests were sitting amidst the dim lights and drinks, when someone asks Mr. S: “hey- is she puking?” In the dark, it seems that a girl may be getting a bit ill. “No, no she’s not,” replies the host- and then it becomes obvious that she, in fact, is getting sick. Host and his friend rush her to the small extra bathroom, where they discover that someone was already there. Someone , to be specific, who made it to the toilet under their own power, which ran out too soon. This prior visitor never got the toilet lid lifted up, and managed to get sick everywhere. Our host and guest have only a moment to register this before they realize that they have a more pressing problem- the young lady they have escorted to the toilet, who now is engaged in what my peers once called “the technicolor yawn.”

How can it get any worse? Glad you asked. The prior situation is hardly resolved when suddenly a second guest, on the balcony, is also getting ill from over-indulgence. Someone is now attempting to bring this next happy camper to the same toilet where our host is handling his first customer. It goes downhill from there.

For most of us everyday life gives us enough to atone for; however some young people seem to need something special for the 10 days of repentance.
May they find forgiveness- and something to soothe their stomachs. So may we all. Amen.